Catfight! – Sandra MacGregor

My Bathtub’s Dirty Secret!

February 29, 2016/2 Comments/in Hairballs and Hissy Fits/by Amarula

AMARULA: Many of you may not realize just how much I suffer since Frodo has been added to our feline trio. Being pounced on indiscriminately, my favorite box-of-solitude being appropriated and my privacy in the litter box now a forgotten luxury…..

Yes, Frodo’s crimes are legion and now he is stealing my toys! I had noticed the disappearance of my favorite ping pong and fuzzy balls since his arrival so, over the last few weeks, I have been forced to stash them in what I thought was the perfect secret spot known only to me (and now you dear readers)…the bathtub!

I had thought these porcelain walls would hide my beloved baubles, but alas, I was wrong! Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that they are slowly disappearing. So using the advanced online degree in engineering I acquired while the Human was sleeping, I set up a hidden camera to get to the truth of what was happening in MY bathtub. Beware dear readers…the shocking photos you are about to behold are enough to curl your whiskers! Frodo was indeed playing with my toys!

Shocking–no? But it only gets worse…Not only was Frodo frolicking with my toys, he has been using my porcelain palace to do a bevy of bad acts:

Napping:

Bathing (OK, even I can admit that a bathtub is a pretty good place to self-clean):

Just looking stupefied as usual…

And the most terrible act of all…inviting Zulu to join him for playtime:

I ask you…have I not endured enough??

Ah well! It is February 29th and leap year only happens every four years so I will make a once-every-four-years exception…if you can’t beat em, join em!

The Idiot Box

February 22, 2016/4 Comments/in Hairballs and Hissy Fits/by Amarula

AMARULA: Life with Frodo continues to be an incredibly taxing experience. My efforts thus far to frighten him into submission with my superior intelligence, wit and sharp claws seem to have had no effect on the nincompoop, who remains frustratingly cheerful and friendly! Curse that ginger’s gregariousness! But now that imp must be stopped! He has taken to using MY beloved Sour Puss box for his own ends! Though I have clearly said that it is off limits, he continues to sleep, play and just lounge about in it.

AMARULA: To make matters worse, Frodo even invites Zulu to join him in MY box! I know they get together in there to plot against me!

ZULU: (in a whisper) Let me guess…Amarula thinks we’re plotting against her again…

AMARULA: Silence you mocha miscreant! Don’t interrupt! But now Frodo has gone too far! He is using my own box against me! Lately, when I approach my cardboard sanctuary innocently planning to catch an eight-hour nap…

WHAM! He lies in wait and strikes without mercy and scares the bejesus out of me.

How am I supposed to endure when my very own box is used for such nefarious purposes?! Now wait a minute…what’s this…

Frodo seems about to do the same thing to Zulu…

And Zulu does not look happy!

Well maybe I can get used to Frodo borrowing my box sometimes if he is going to put it to such good use by terrorizing Zulu!!

Nemesis of the Month: the Harness

October 15, 2015/2 Comments/in Hairballs and Hissy Fits/by Amarula

As you all know, my ambrosial outdoor environment became a little less heavenly when a harnessed Zulu was allowed to finally leave his indoor cat-containment unit (aka the house) for supervised outdoor visits.

While I did enjoy sitting on his leash and preventing him from going anywhere, things have taken an ugly turn recently. Obviously, his taste of freedom has gone to his head. In an effort to establish dominance over the backyard, he actually challenged me to a cat fight! Clearly, someone had a little too much cat nip this morning!

First, he tried to stare me down (a classic amateur move)!

When that didn’t work, he actually tried the more advanced “aggressive tail and teeth combo.”

Finally, sensing his end was near, he tried to get physical with a round of fisticuffs.

Growing bored at his laughable attempts at supremacy, I went in for the killing blow: My famous “You-are-sooooooooooo-going-to-be-sorry” stare.

As predicted, the poor boy’s knees immediately turned to mush and he fell prostrate to the ground. He begged for his life as I stood over him victorious, my rule as “Outdoor Oligarch” once more established.

ZULU: Actually Amarula I tripped over one of your giant hairballs and fell to the ground.

AMARULA: Silence peon! Curse you and your havoc-causing harness!

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