Adjusting to Life Without Biltong

AMARULA: Well, as you know, Biltong recently passed away. Though I had my issues with the little guy, I must admit that his presence is sorely missed. Normally, I have been able to get over feeling blue by indulging in escapist TV or books. Presently, I’m reading the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon (a favorite of mine despite the serious lack of feline leads). But even reading can’t seem help me shake off my melancholy.

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I can’t seem to muster the energy for play time either.

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I just spend all day staring up at the ceiling and pondering the meaning of life.

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ZULU: For once, Amarula and I are on the same page. I am desperately lonely without my best friend Biltong. I hate sleeping alone.

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I just want to hide from the world

zulu bag

Even sunbeams have lots their warmth!

sunbeams not warm

For a glorious second I thought I spotted Biltong. The creature had the same open, friendly demeanor and surplus of drool as Little B’, but alas it was only a baby human.

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Amarula and I even find ourselves reluctantly spending time together just cause we are so discombobulated! Sigh! We all miss you Biltong!

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RIP Biltong the Cat, Very loved and Dearly Missed

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ZULU and AMARULA: We are overwrought to announce that Biltong passed away a few days ago from kidney disease. The sadness seems unbearable. It is as though someone has taken away all of our  sunshine.

 

He was only three years old. Mom is heartsick. She used to love when he would “help” her work at the computer.

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ZULU and AMARULA: There are a million reasons we all loved him but here are just a few:

ZULU: He was the best cuddler and hugger in the world!

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ZULU: I will miss the way he used to love eating while warming his bum by the vent. It took so little to make Little B happy.

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ZULU: All he needed to be content was his favorite toy, a sunbeam and a warm cuddle.

seriously just try to take away my toy

 

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Bask in your success

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ZULU: He was so brave! He never gave up on trying to make AMARULA love him (AMARULA: It worked cause I finally came around and did –begrudgingly–love him)

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ZULU: And he was obsessed with packing peanuts!

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ZULU: He was always ready to laugh (especially if it was at Amarula!)

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ZULU: I always admired his ability to sleep virtually anywhere and in any position!

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ZULU: I will miss washing him, too!

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ZULU: He was my big brother and he always took care of me. He is irreplaceablezuandbilkittens kittens zuluandb

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ZULU: I love you Biltong!

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AMARULA: Though I like to tease the little bugger. I will also miss him terribly. I will even miss his hug attacks.

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AMARULA: What do you say if just this once Zulu, I let you cuddle with me.

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We can find some solace in knowing that the little imp has gone to be reunited with Charlie the basset hound and all of Mom’s beloved pets who have gone to the rainbow bridge.

 

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The house (and litter box) will be so empty without you Biltong. Be well little guy. Bless you.

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Biltong is Sick

AMARULA: I know I joke a lot about the kittens, but I kinda like those dolts (after all who would I laugh at if I didn’t have those two to make fun of) and I was sad when the Human told me that Biltong (aka Billy) has been hospitalized for kidney disease.

Poor guy:

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Apparently something called his Urea and Creatine were through the roof! And he has just only turned three years old! The Human is very sad and worried. I hope the hospitalization works to make him a little better and buy him some time.

ZULU: “Do you think Biltong is going to be OK Amarula?”
AMARULA: “I sure hope so Zulu. ”

ZULU: “Can I sit beside you and look out the window while we wait for him and mom (aka the Human) to come back from the animal hospital?”
AMARULA: “Alright. Just this once I promise not to push you off.”

ama and zululooking outside

Special Edition!! A Nemesis of the Month & Cat of the Month Combo!

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AMARULA: The cat of the month is Bagheera, a lovely black feline who happens to belong to my Human’s sister. I enjoyed interviewing this dapper gentleman!

AMARULA: Are you single? I am!

BAGHEERA: Sadly, though I’m single, I’m what the humans call “fixed,” which in the animal world ironically means the opposite ie: broken with important man parts missing!

AMARULA: Vile humans! Well what do you like to do in your spare time? What distracts you from the loveless life you must now live thanks to being neutered?

BAGHEERA: My favorite activity is waking my humans up at 3 A.M. to beg for wet food. I also like to jump into the refrigerator whenever it’s open to see if I can take a bite out of any leftovers! I have had much success–if chilled paws–with this method!

AMARULA: I see there is a mini-human now living in your household, how has that been?

BAGHEERA: As French felines would say, “Comme ci, comme ca.” The child demands constant attention and steals some of my quality time from my humans. I mean, is it possible that because the gurgling creature also moves on four legs they are confusing the two of us? Why else spend so much time with something that lacks the soft, silkiness of fur and spits up constantly? My 3 A.M. wake-up calls for food also aren’t as much fun as they used to be since my humans are now generally up responding to the baby’s caterwauling! I wish I had a set of lungs like that kid! On the other hand, the youngster is amazingly warm and cushy and makes a good nap companion. But I do miss being the only child in the spotlight.

AMARULA: Good point Bagheera! I feel for you! Too often a human baby will usurp a cat’s long-established, rightful family roles like “Ruler of the Roost,”  “Most Beloved,” “First to be Fed,” “Loudest Caterwauling,” and “Most Cantankerous if Every Whim is Not Satisfied,” which brings me to…

Nemesis of the Month: Babies

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They have skin instead of fur, they’re not litter trained and they can’t even self-clean, yet many a feline has been forced to play second fiddle to a baby! Why would anyone have a child when they can have a cat?! Certainly, I must admit there are some similarities between cats and children: we both talk back, our thoughts are inscrutable, and we think the world revolves around us. But despite these similarities, overall kids aren’t nearly as adorable as felines and their mousing skills are distinctly sub-par!

So I say to all you humans out there: Desist in your quest for children! Cats are where it’s at! Trust me: cleaning a litter box is a walk in the park once you see what’s in those baby’s dirty diapers! Ah! If only we cats could have our humans “fixed”!

The Art of A Sneak Hug Attack

BILTONG: As you know, dear readers, hugs are one of my favorite things! Zulu and I love hugging! We are experts!

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Sadly, Amarula does not seem to share our love of hugs. That’s why I often have to perform cuddle sneak-attacks. Because we all likely have those in our lives who are “hug-hesitant,” I wanted to share with you how you can perform covert surprise embraces even on cuddlephobic cats like Amarula.

STEP 1:

You have to keep up your strength for a hug attack so I like to begin with a hearty meal in front of the heat vent where I can also get my bum warmed at the same time! It is glorious!

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STEP 2:

Then I like to lull my victims unsuspecting hug-receivers into a false sense of security by acting casual—as though hugs aren’t the only thing on my mind!

lullintofalse sense of security

STEP 3:

It’s important to be diligent. If a cuddle-cautious cat even gets a whiff of what you are planning they may hide. You must look high and low until you find them!

you find them where they hire

 

STEP 4:

The next step is to approach your prey pal in a friendly and open manner and engage them in pleasant conversation. Some examples:

a) Ask them where they got such a ridiculous pretty collar

seriously i was going to attack him but now I can't even bother

b) Ask if you can share a sunbeam with them:

approach in non-threatening manner

STEP 5:

Get as close as you can using your stealth and incredible dexterity:

sneakfromunderchair

Oh the unsuspecting fool!!
unsuspecting fool

STEP 6:

Go!! Hug attack!!!

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AND AGAIN!

 

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There is even the legendary Double-Hug attack! But this difficult maneuver should only be attempted by students like Zulu and me who have highly advanced training in hug-stealth techniques

group hug attack
STEP 7:

The final step is to wash up, bask in your glory and plan the next attack!

Bask in your success

Now everybody go out and practice!!

Cool Cat of the Month: Lou

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AMARULA: Though clearly, in the looks department I have no feline rivals, I must admit Lou comes close. She has incredibly soft fur (if you like that sort of thing) and the grace of a ballet dancer thanks to her stumpy…I mean diminutive, stature. She was once a stray who was rescued by her slave human Eric. I took time out of my busy schedule to interview Lou:

AMARULA: How are you enjoying life with your manservant Eric?

LOU: Well, he feeds me and pets me lots, which I approve of, but he has this human female who hangs around a lot and she tends to distract him so he can’t devote every single minute of every single day to me. I am in the process of working out a deal with the neighborhood racoons to see if they can carry her off some night and deposit her in a forest somewhere. We’re still trying to iron out the details. The racoons want to be paid in pounds of garbage and I am trying to convince them to take payment in pounds of hairballs.

AMARULA: Really?!?!

LOU: No, No. I actually like Eric’s gal pal. She pets me lots and seems to accept that I will always be the prettiest female in the room!

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AMARULA: What are some of your favorite hobbies?
LOU: Well I like hiding, acting afraid of life so Eric hugs me lots, vomiting up hairballs and playing with my little yellow ducky. I am very very glad he rescued me from life as a stray!

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AMARULA: What are your future plans?
LOU: Well, frankly I am a little lonely and would love a handsome companion cat. We will see what the future holds!

Feline Deep Thought of the Day

ZULU: Sometimes, though I am generally a lighthearted cat, I…

AMARULA: Don’t you mean light headed??? Hee hee

ZULU: Quiet Amarula this is my DEEP THOUGHT!

ZULU: As I was saying, though I tend to be carefree, sometimes I can become melancholic and a dark mood overtakes me. I stop whatever I am doing and begin to wonder “What is the point of it all…”

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But then I just go looking for my brother Biltong and he hugs me and I feel all better. Hugs are the best

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You can enjoy a good hug anywhere and in any position!

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hug

 

The best is when you combine a hug and a sunbeam! Pure heaven!

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Sometimes Biltong and I get so “hug-drunk” that we even try to include Amarula. Though we have to sneak up on her to give her a hug:

sneaak

 

Then we force our hugs on her!

 

billy ami hug

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But the hugs where we try to get Amarula involved tend to turn ugly pretty fast! I guess she just isn’t into hugs. Too bad, she doesn’t know what she’s missing!

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Time for My Human to Die

AMARULA: So dear readers, as you all know, winters in Canada are not exactly my favorite. As a cat born and raised in South Africa for most of my life, cold, snow and ice were things I thought only happened to other felines. Sadly, as much as I love Canada (these guys make the best catnip! What do they put in that stuff? I think it is heavily sprinkled with maple syrup and Canadian bacon!) I still hate the winter season! So I was very excited when spring came around again and I was raring to go outside to terrorize those pesky birds and squirrels. Or at least I was until THIS happened:

 

time formy human to die

My human is making me wear a bright red collar that is best described as a cross between an Elizabethan collar and a clown accessory. Can’t believe your eyes?? Here’s another look:

whymelord
Why me Lord?? Apparently this collar (which is by Birdbesafe [no affiliate link, the human just thinks they deserve a mention]) is supposed to make me more visible to songbirds and hence make it impossible for me to catch any (as if the five bells the Human already had on my collar weren’t making it impossible for me to terrorize my feathered foes!). Sadly, it does indeed seem to be working. I wait by the bird feeder but not a single bird appears!

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It is also pretty hard to be camouflaged with this thing on!!

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Even those two dunderheaded cats I am forced to share my home with seem to feel the collar makes me more “approachable” and no longer  maintain the 10 foot perimeter around my personal space I had instituted.

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The collar seems to have also had the unfortunate effect of decreasing my “street cred” with the cats in the neighborhood. No longer do they quiver in fear as I walk by! Worse, my boyfriend down the street, Charlie, took one look at me and turned away! He couldn’t even bear to look at me!!

charlie

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How can an uncollared cat like Charlie ever fall for a collared cat like me!! It’s the classic thwarted love tale of Romeow and Juliet!! Pray for me!

 

 

Nemesis of the Month: Zulu

AMARULA: Even with the weather getting nicer and me spending more time outside, the kittens still drive me crazy! Especially Zulu with his constant caterwauling and his efforts to hog the best sunbeams! So my “Nemesis of the Month” award goes to Zulu! I mean just look into those eyes! Is anyone even home??

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ZULU: Amarula I am so not amused! You didn’t even capture my good side!

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