What’s that you say? The pizza you left on the kitchen table is missing? Disappeared completely you say? Do I know anything about it, you ask?
Have you asked the cat? Checked the litter box for clues? Felines are known as fervent food stealers!
I mean, does this look like the face of a basset that would steal a pizza?
I know nothing about such a horror! Why do you ask? Photographic evidence you say? Irrefutable proof you say? Would you believe it fell off the table and into my mouth? And please ignore the drool at the bottom of the pizza–it is SO unladylike and embarrassing.
PS: My friend Zelaina has asked me to let you know about this important petition to help out the small town where she lives in Canada: