The Human’s cruelty knows no bounds. Granted, green shows off my emerald eyes to perfection, but still, there are limits! I was almost going to let her live until she added the feathers. Now I am just deciding whether I should wait to kill her until after she feeds me. Murder and mayhem can be so tiring on an empty stomach!
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AMARULA: Dearest readers, as you know I am not one to complain. Far be it for me to cast aspersions on the integrity of a fellow feline but, alas, I feel I have no choice. You will remember that last week I produced compelling (and horrifying) images of Frodo and Zulu playing in my secret (or so I thought) toy box (a.k.a the bathtub). Well, the disappearance of my favorite toys continues unabated! Some one (or some feline…) has actually absconded with my prized pompoms! Oh the
Where are they?? You see what’s happening here don’t you!? One of those perfidious pussycats must have stolen them!
ZULU: Who us? Nah…we’re too cute and busy napping to be stealing your stuff Amarula!
AMARULA: Silence Zulu! I know that the perpetrator is most likely Frodo! I have often seen him nosing around one of my other toy boxes:
I have even caught him PLAYING with my toys out in the open!
He is especially careless about respecting my property when he is hopped-up on catnip (which he so often is!)
Frodo is always trying too hard to look harmless! I mean no one can be that cute and innocent-right?
FRODO: I could never take your toys and hide them from you Amarula! I’m too cute and innocent!
AMARULA: Where oh where have my little toys gone?
FRODO: I have no idea…
AMARULA: Don’t worry dear readers! I am on the case! I shall not rest until I find my toys and who is responsible for hiding them on me!
AMARULA: Many of you may not realize just how much I suffer since Frodo has been added to our feline trio. Being pounced on indiscriminately, my favorite box-of-solitude being appropriated and my privacy in the litter box now a forgotten luxury…..
Yes, Frodo’s crimes are legion and now he is stealing my toys! I had noticed the disappearance of my favorite ping pong and fuzzy balls since his arrival so, over the last few weeks, I have been forced to stash them in what I thought was the perfect secret spot known only to me (and now you dear readers)…the bathtub!
I had thought these porcelain walls would hide my beloved baubles, but alas, I was wrong! Over the last couple of days, I have noticed that they are slowly disappearing. So using the advanced online degree in engineering I acquired while the Human was sleeping, I set up a hidden camera to get to the truth of what was happening in MY bathtub. Beware dear readers…the shocking photos you are about to behold are enough to curl your whiskers! Frodo was indeed playing with my toys!
Shocking–no? But it only gets worse…Not only was Frodo frolicking with my toys, he has been using my porcelain palace to do a bevy of bad acts:
Bathing (OK, even I can admit that a bathtub is a pretty good place to self-clean):
Just looking stupefied as usual…
And the most terrible act of all…inviting Zulu to join him for playtime:
I ask you…have I not endured enough??
Ah well! It is February 29th and leap year only happens every four years so I will make a once-every-four-years exception…if you can’t beat em, join em!
AMARULA: Life with Frodo continues to be an incredibly taxing experience. My efforts thus far to frighten him into submission with my superior intelligence, wit and sharp claws seem to have had no effect on the nincompoop, who remains frustratingly cheerful and friendly! Curse that ginger’s gregariousness! But now that imp must be stopped! He has taken to using MY beloved Sour Puss box for his own ends! Though I have clearly said that it is off limits, he continues to sleep, play and just lounge about in it.
AMARULA: To make matters worse, Frodo even invites Zulu to join him in MY box! I know they get together in there to plot against me!
ZULU: (in a whisper) Let me guess…Amarula thinks we’re plotting against her again…
AMARULA: Silence you mocha miscreant! Don’t interrupt! But now Frodo has gone too far! He is using my own box against me! Lately, when I approach my cardboard sanctuary innocently planning to catch an eight-hour nap…
WHAM! He lies in wait and strikes without mercy and scares the bejesus out of me.
How am I supposed to endure when my very own box is used for such nefarious purposes?! Now wait a minute…what’s this…
Frodo seems about to do the same thing to Zulu…
And Zulu does not look happy!
Well maybe I can get used to Frodo borrowing my box sometimes if he is going to put it to such good use by terrorizing Zulu!!
FRODO: Well this is my first winter and I gotta tell you I think it’s terrific! Now I know that Amarula hates Canadian winters but I think that’s just because–between you and me–she can be a bit of a nay-sayer! She tends not to look on the positive side of things. Since the temperature has dropped, mom has started using this indoor fire contraption that I think is just the cat’s pajamas! It’s like having your very own personal sunbeam in the house! Now I am new to this whole indoor, boxed sunbeam thingy, but I have learned a thing or two about how to get the most out of the clever contraption. It’s all about positioning…
- Firstly, before jumping into that comfy looking basket, I’ve found that it’s better to get started slowly…one body part at a time to be sure not to get overheated! First the back:
2. Then the toes:
3. Next the tummy (which gives you an excuse for a good stretch!):
4. Finally, just let it all hang loose…become one with the fire…
5. Now that you’ve got a good “base” warmth going on, it’s time to move to the basket. But don’t let the lure of the comfy cat bed distract you from your primary objective: keeping as much of your body by the fire as possible:
6. Don’t forget to lift up your arms to get your armpits in on the warmth:
7. Now comes my favorite part: invite a friend to join in on the fun!
8. Not only does a friend make a fire more enjoyable, but they also provide additional body warmth:
9. Sometimes if you’re really, really lucky, they’ll even give you a fireside bath!
10. Yeah! I don’t know what Amarula is talking about, I love winter!
FRODO: I know Amarula is going to kill me! She really feels strongly about just who makes her list of “Nemeses” but good golly I just gotta print a retraction
against Amarula’s wishes on Amarula’s “behalf.” A few months ago she must just have been having a bad day when she declared that babies were bad!
Unlike most humans, she even crawls like me! And she chased me around for hours! Even Zulu gets tired of playing with me after awhile–but not Vera!
We had lots of fun playing with my toys!
We had a very pleasant nap and I didn’t even mind when Vera used me as a pillow.
Vera ended her visit by sharing a sunbeam with me
Yep! Amarula might call Vera Nemesis but I call her Friend!
ZULU: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now isn’t this comfortable Frodo? Nothing like spending a lazy Saturday enjoying some sunbeams.
FRODO: It is wonderful. But…
FRODO: I just think things would be even better if we snuggled more.
ZULU: Now Frodo, remember what I told you about respecting personal space.
FRODO: I think you said you were against it, right?
ZULU: No! That’s not what I said. There is a time for snuggling and there is a time for getting some quality sunbeam sleep.
ZULU: While I appreciate that you moved, this is not what I had in mind!
ZULU: Don’t force me to sharpen my claws and move you myself Frodo!
ZULU: Well, I do have to say that you are a fast learner Frodo! Perfect!
AMARULA: As you can imagine, life has been a real struggle since Frodo came to join us. The nauseatingly friendly and way-too-energetic kitten seems to have made it his life’s mission to be my friend! Despite the fact that the human and Zulu are both more than happy to spend time with him, Frodo insists on, as he says, “spreading the love” in a very misguided attempt to befriend me!
Luckily, I have a series of 26 boxes scattered in prized locations throughout the house where I can find solace and silence. They are my very own frolicking feline-free zones! Of all of them, this one is my favorite for obvious reasons.
Ah! Peace at last! These four cardboard walls are my sanctuary! A place I can go and be alone to reflect on the meaning of life, groom and enjoy a quick 6 hour nap.
Oh no…what’s this?
FRODO: Hey Amarula, guess who! I found you!! I just love it when we play hide and seek! I can’t believe we have the same favorite game. We are so going to be besties just like me and Zulu!
AMARULA: We are never going to be best friends you lummox! Now be gone!
FRODO: It sure looks cozy in there. Can I join you?
AMARULA: No! Leave me in peace.
FRODO: Hmph! Ah come on! I’ll sulk if you don’t let me in.
AMARULA: Go away!
FRODO: I know you don’t really mean it! Your hisses say “no” but your eyes say yes! I’m coming in…
AMARULA: I’m outta here!
FRODO: Hey, where did you go? Are we playing hide and seek again?! Yippee! I’m coming, don’t worry I’ll find you!
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